My pantry was not looking up to par, so yesterday I decided to head out to the supermarket to stock up.
Not a good idea at this time of the month.
First, it was a headache to park, and then when I reached inside, it was rammed packed with shoppers.
A multitude of shoppers. All on the same mission.
Even though supermarkets open early and close late at night, you can bet that whenever month end is around the corner, or when we have bank holidays on the horizon like this weekend (we have three), there are ALWAYS throngs of people shopping up a storm. Shopping for picnics, parties, and get-togethers with friends and family.
One has to be mindful that items like cream cheese, and specialty baking ingredients usually fly off the shelves first, so make sure not to forget these items, especially since I was hosting a tea party, as well as attending a pot-luck on Sunday.
Needless to say, I only needed a few items so I found myself in the Express Lane.
I know I have written before about the comedic banter that permeates any long queue on this island.
Everyone has something to say.....and I mean everyone.
I stood and waited patiently. What lively discussions ensued for a wonderful 30 minutes of my life.
A character of an old fellow up front, loudly talking up a storm:
"This Express Lane ain't saying nuttin. I don't understand wuh kinda Express Lane this is.....it ain't move for the past 5 minutes."
"Sweet Girl you sure you working today?" "You like you resting up."
"Wait, where de boss man? Wunnuh should be handing out drinks to people staying up in here so long."
"Lawd, more people coming in de supermarket, I need to get outta here."
He kept on going, couldn't seem to help it really.....he was a talker.
After a few minutes another customer at one of the other check-outs pipes up, "Wait you is work at de radio station?"
To which the old fellow quipped back, " You ask me so because I is talk a lot?"
Followed by laughter from all of us.
Another lady further back in the line starting to fuss. You know how a "fowl-cock" starts up, he gives one "Pra-Kark!", and he puffs himself up, and then let's it all go..."Pra-kark!! Pra-Kark!!! Pra-Kark!!!
Well Ms.Lady started in with, "I caanhn unnerstan wuh de France tekking so flipping long.....wuh SHE up dey doing? ..while flashing a cruel look in the cashier's direction.
"People hey stannin' up every long time since.....these people is feel yuh ain't got nuttin' to do at all, at all.
"Yuh come in hey to get few items, come in de Express Lane, and wuh???"
Of course now when one firebrand starts up, everybody throwing their two cents worth in the pot.
"My icecream guine melt before I get outta here!"
"I leff some clothes pun de line drying, I hope de rain doan come down before I get back."
The line seems to be moving incredibly slow. I look up towards the cashier, she seems to be doing her best.
"Wait, dis cashier ain't got nuh packer?" says another man even further down the line.
"My feet here killing me. Yuh nuff to fall down wid some kinda bad feels in here, it tekking so long."
"Where de supervisor in here doh? Dem can see dat this line moving slow slow slow."
The line is moving again, I am almost at the check-out register.
The man in front of me gives the cashier an empty Oh Henry wrapper for her to swipe, he has already finished eating it while waiting. She looks at him in disbelief. He checks his other items and heads out the door.
My turn. The cashier starts to check my groceries, and then I see the problem.
She has the longest manicured nails I have ever seen. Naturally, she cannot operate the point of sale with her digits. Yes, she can use the scanner, but some items need to be keyed in manually, and Ms.Lady was using her knuckles, yes, her knuckles to key in the info.
Not only that, she was trying her utmost best to pack with those LONNNG fingernails.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I started to bag my own groceries, after all that's what Express is all about....you bag your own......
All images above borrowed from Google Images.