Sunday, 2 August 2015

The tale of THE lizard

Today my house finally, and I repeat finally smells nice again....phew!!
One night early in July, I saw a shadow in the corner of the dining room ceiling. Realising that it was THE white lizard (gecko) that had been terrorising me for a while, I ran for the insecticide and sprayed him four blasts from the can. 
Normally I would wait until the critter crawls away and keep check on his movements before discarding the body outside.........BUT......I instead chose to return the can to the cupboard....why oh why?
When I returned, all of two seconds later, the lizard was nowhere to be seen....darn!
I searched high and low but it had disappeared into thin air!
Two days later I detected a stench that permeated the house.  It seemed to be coming from the ventilation bricks in the passageway. 

I got the stepstool out and climbed up and using my torch I looked and looked in all the areas where the smell was coming from...but nada.
The stench grew increasingly worse as the days went by, but I still couldn't find the brute.
That lizard had been my nemesis for months.  Mr.Man had insisted on living inside the house and not on the patio with the others.  He would fill his belly up all night with the bugs that frequented the patio light at night and somehow crawl inside with a fat stomach and then use my home as his personal latrine leaving his SHIT all over my walls and floor.  He was one fat bastard and I know he was enjoying terrorising me in my own home.
So here he was now in his dead state still terrorising me.
Every day I'd open all the windows and doors wide wide wide to get the smell out, but it was all in vain.
The smell continued to "light up de place" as we say here.
It was then I decided to help out the situation by purchasing a new air freshener.

An AirWick automatic air freshener.  I chose a Hawaiian scent which I hoped would help, and to be honest it did help, but just a little.  That dead lizard continued to give me a run for my money. It seemed as if the smell was following me wherever I went in the house (you know like how a fart does.)
I googled how to find dead critters in a house, and would you know it, there were thousands just like me going through the same thing with lizards, rats, possums, bats, racoons, you name it, all kinds of creatures were dying in other peoples homes too, and they couldn't find them either.
It was comforting to know that I was not alone.

As you already know, I've got some very nice male friends who come to my aid in any sticky situation, and this was one of those kinds of situations.
They came by and told me they had great "smellers" and they tried to "nose" out the lizard, but just couldn't find it. It kinda reminded me of the Froot Loops cereal ad with Toucan Sam, "Follow your nose, it always knows."  This time the nose was a failure.
I decided I'd just play the waiting game and look out for the maggots (yes, I know gross.)
No maggots showed up for the party, but one day I saw a fly buzzing around in the area and I followed it, but it too seemed to give up after a few minutes and flew back outside the open door.
I resigned myself to enduring the stench of that dead lizard for the next four weeks....pure freaking torture for someone who prides herself in a clean home.
Today is the first day that there is absolutely NO trace of a scent of that darn creature.
Today I can take a breath of nice clean is a day to be thankful.


  1. Yuck. Glad for you that things finally feel back to normal.

    1. You have no idea how happy I am to have my home smelling nice again.

  2. That was so funny (Not for you at the time I suppose) but I had to laugh. We had a dead rat in our ceiling once so I can sympathise... but I still laughed. Where was Mr Brown and his nose? No help?

    1. Oh my, a dead rat smell must have been did you manage that?
      The eau de dead lizard parfum was definitely not one I'd care to experience ever again.
      Thanks for laughing at me, you're not the only one, you should see some of the Whatsapp messages I received, and those folks are supposed to be my friends!

    2. And where was Mr.Brown in all of this you ask....he was safely hanging out on the patio in the breeze.
      Whenever he came inside he would turn up his nose in disgust....I kid you not.

  3. Dead ghekos have an awful smell - we had one that died whrapped up inside a roller blind that didnt often get unrolled.....

    1. The smell can drive you bonkers that's for sure.

  4. I think that would have driven me to distraction. I'm glad that it's gone now.

    1. I like your words "driven me to distraction" and that's exactly what it was like.
      Smelling that dead lizard stench and just couldn't find it...getting warm...warmer...kinda hot..a bit hotter....but still couldn't find that darn thing....maybe one of these days his dried out carcass will be sucked up by the vacuum cleaner when I'm cleaning....let's hope.


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